get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
