Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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