When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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