Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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