Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
