If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
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