Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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