The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
