Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
