Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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