I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
There r osticjed everywhere
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
