I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
