So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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