ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
