I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
