he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
