I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
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It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
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you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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