the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
