So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
