wrigley field is MILF paradise
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
only you would photoshop your dick
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
