Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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