she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
