i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
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Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
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I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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