What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
