exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
