My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
