We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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