when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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