I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
