While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
