Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Randomize
