You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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