fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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