i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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