...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
