Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
