And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
