i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
