When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
