I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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