I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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