Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
