omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
