So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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