just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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