remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
then he tried to convert me to islam
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
