every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
