I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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