Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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