Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
