i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
