Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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