its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
