a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
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