Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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