I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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