I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
