We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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