When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
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Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
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There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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