im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
