Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
