You smell like stripper and shame
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize