so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
