Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
